Regret ( A short Story )

When I think of him, I’m still filled with a profound sense of loss and regret. His face, his eyes, his voice now is just another memory that will last forever.

1939, May 21st, the day where it all started, the day I first met him. He was a new student at my school. We were actually classmate to be honest but that is the first day I ever laid my eyes on him. There he was standing near the bus stop in his school uniform, talking, joking around with his friends. The place was crowded with people but he is the only one I could put my eyes on. I’m stuck in my own world where there is only two of us in it. No words came out of his mouth, neither do mine. It’s just me starring him for hours until he leave. His name was Kei, just Kei. You might say I’m an idiot for having a crush over someone who I didn’t even know his full name but I was shy back then. Every time a fellow classmate mentioned his name, I would turn my head just to turn my attention to what they was talking about. Sometime I would lose myself in my own delusions where I’m brave enough to talked to him. How pathetic. Every single day I wish he would feel the same way.

1939, June 1st, something delightful happened. He talked to me for the first time. Even though it was just a normal greeting but it is still considered as a conversation isn’t? Somehow he is talking to me more frequently than before. He must have noticed me starring him from a distance every day. Argh! Stupid me. Now I have to hide my face every time I talked to him. Every word, every sentence I want to say always came out the other way around. I’m such an idiot! Seeing my weird behavior, He would always apologize for not able to hold himself from laughing. However, all is
not lost since I was able to get used to it.

Everyday, we would talk about things that sound completely ridiculous for a normal person. Such as ‘why did the chicken cross the road?’ or ‘why did superman wear his underwear on the outside?’ and those conversation would last for hours but it was not enough. I wanted to talk more, I want to know more about him. I don’t know why, probably I am just shy.

1939, December 31th, the end of the year is probably the most busiest moment for everyone, literally. Everyone is searching for their ‘date’ for the upcoming end year festival which I think is just stupid. Can’t a boy and a girl go there just as friends? The festival will be held every year and people from all over the country would come and celebrate it like there’s no tomorrow. Kei, on the other hand wasn’t bothered by it despite the ten love letter on his desk. There’s a rumor that those letters were sent by 10 of the most popular girls in school. What chances do I have against them? I should probably just give up.

December 31, around 12 pm. While others are holding hands, under the bright night of December, waiting for the fireworks to show it’s beauty, I was at home  studying. I wasn’t alone though, some of my friends also called and invited me to their houses to celebrate the new year together but I was to busy making myself busy. The next day, everyone was talking about their romantic night and how the beautiful the fireworks were. I wish I can shut them up once and for all. Kei greeted me from behind, asking how my new year was. I couldn’t help but tell everything, when I said everything I mean it. Surprisingly, he told me that he also didn’t went to the festival. It seems he was waiting for a specific girl to invite him. I was happy and disappointed at the same time. Looks like he already has someone in his heart.

1940, April 2nd. I has been evading Kei for almost 3 months and something inside me is dying. Why can’t I stop thinking about him!? I’m such a loser! Lord please put me out of this misery. Even though I was evading him but every time I sat upon the concrete bench on the bus stop, I would look around for him but he was nowhere to be found. I was worried if anything had happened to him. The next day, I asked all the teachers if they knew anything about him. None have the answer, I was devastated. My heart beat faster as I ran across the classroom searching for answers but to no avail.

1940, April 14th. It has been weeks since I seen or heard about Kei. I’m out of tears to be shed. I couldn’t help but to hold the guilt inside me for ignoring him. One of our teachers was absent today and the class was a complete madhouse, but something manage to catch my attention. According to one of my classmate, they saw Kei and his family in the teacher’s lounge. Before they can finish their sentence, I was on my way to the teacher’s lounge. Some of the stairs were packed with human blockade but that doesn’t stop me from rushing through it like a speeding train. When I arrived, I quickly slam the door open. I shouted his name with all my might just for him to noticed me but what I saw shocked me.

The boy who was sitting on one of the teacher’s chair was Kei but at the same time it was also someone else. His face is now pale white, his lips was so dry that I could noticed it from a distance, his body show’s no energy what so ever as if he was lifeless. He greeted me and I could hear the pain and suffering in his voice. I was stunned, unable to say a word or do anything. One of the teachers pulled me outside and explained everything.

Kei was suffering from Leukemia, a type of cancer of the blood. The teacher said that he was diagnosed with it since he was 10 and there’s only a small chance of him surviving. But his will to live was able to postponed the disease from worsen, giving him another 8 years to live. Few weeks ago, the doctors announced that he was in a chronic condition and has to be hospitalized. He manage to convince the doctors to let him out for one day before going back into the intensive-care unit.

Knowing what was happening all along, I couldn’t hold my tears from falling. Who knew a kid who was full of life, full of energy was silently fighting a disease that couldn’t be cured back then. I was crying my heart out when suddenly a voice, begged me to stop. As I rises my head, there he was, standing in front of me, running his thumb across my cheek, wiping the tears that has fallen from my eyes. He embraces me with everything he got left and whispered to my ears.

” If there’s a chance in the near future..” he was breathing heavily and he would pause to take a short breath for every word.  “Would you like to go to the festival with me?..” I was sucked into a never ending sadness as those words came out of his mouth. My eyes was closed but my heart weeps silently. “Yes, I would love to” I replied. Nothing could express the way I felt that day. I feel like being revived from the dead just to get killed again. He was struggling just to stand but something kept him from falling. That day, I was given all the time to talked to him. I couldn’t help but to continue our not so normal conversation. He was laughing but it’s not how it used to. I wish I could help him.

1940, July 25th. It was the day he breathed his last breath out, and that was the end of an innocent life.

I still remember his final words to me.

” Sometimes I would stare you from behind and stuck in a world where there’s only two of us in this world. How I wish I has the verbal power to say what was hidden in my heart. Probably, I am just shy”

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