Days

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Wounds

There are wounds that do not bleed blood,

But instead it seeped ambition, innocence, sanity, and dreams,
Wounds that drained the now empty circuits of my brain,
Wounds that slowly seeped from within, incited confusion, headache, insomnia, pain,
Wounds that neither god nor men, 
Could possibly mend,
Wounds that takes away your emotions,
Your sight, your breath, your hearing,
Wounds that killed you but keeps you living,
Kept you alive to feel as every echo bounces around your now empty shell,
Bellowing in the narrow halls of your consciousness,
As it subjugates your life in a living hell,

These wounds are mine,
To be taken to my deathbed,
To be felt, and never to be left behind.

Insomnia

Here I lay awake,
Drown by my own thoughts,
Tribulations and past mistakes,
Here I lay awake,
In my unsettled state,
Seeping consciousness,
Relying on these pills I take,
Here I lay awake,
Breathing,
Hoping each breath,
The last one I’ll ever make.

Shadows

Like the silhouette that hangs before the night light,
The thought of you wanes back and forth,
It rumbles,
It rocks,
It exist,
And it persists,
All night.

You, syff

I miss not bringing my toothbrush when we travel,
Because I know you’d bring yours,
And I’d save an extra hoodie or sweater,
Because you’d always forgot yours in a rush,
So I kept one for you to wear later,
I miss how you’d find me a crowd,
Because my head screams out loud,
My stature and my height,
Could never escape your sight,
I miss being lost with you,
Because neither of us planned,
And we ended circling around like idiots,
I miss thrift shopping,
When we’d pick out crazy outfits, and ended up trying,
Foolishly wearing them, rolling over laughing,
I miss eating with you in the middle of nowhere,
Appealing to your crazy appetite,
And finishing leftovers,
When you complained your jeans getting too tight,
I miss walking on the sidewalk with you,
And having our night talk,
After hours, after dinner,
Without pillows nor any specific thoughts,
Just dry tarmac and hot weather,
I miss walking,
And offering to carry you on my back,
Because you weight just like peanuts,
I miss wishing of the future,
Because of distance, we hoped of a something better,
We promised of something together,
Sadly, it never worked out.

Here I am, cowardly enough to write these,
Because I lack any courage, to say it out loud.

-syff, the beautiful you.

Faith

Take me away from the gods above,
If they teach me to discriminate,
To differentiate,
To hate,
But never to love,

Take me away from the gods above,
If they deny me of my neighbors,
Simply because of their faith,
Of what they whispers before bed,
And before a meal,
What kind of god is that,
That requires me, the creation,
For him to be real.

Take me away from the gods above,
That had created heaven,
But chose to test the people,
To gain attention,
That chose to leave us,
Abandoned and forsaken,
To live on this wretched earth,
From the consummation of our parents,
To pain of birth,
Why had they created,
Chaos,
Disguised as human,
To give free will,
Free speech,
But separated, men and women,

Take me away from the gods above,
Because from what I’ve seen,
I’d rather believe in chance,
Than something planned in advance.

Your everything

Lately my nights has been occupied by the thoughts of you,

Your smile,

Your laugh,

Your everything,

It’s mesmerizing,

It felt real, and it keep me awake,

Your smile,

Your laugh,

Your everything,

I miss you,

And your presence is all that I want,

Your smile,

Your laugh,

Your everything,

And I’d do anything,

For you to come back, and for me to be,

Your smile,

Your laugh,

Your everything.

She is

She is beauty in a troubled world,
Word expressed beyond its meaning,
Beauty in way how the light reflected upon her eyes,
Beauty in perseverance and strength,
Through great length she walked,
Those tears hidden behind the way she talked,
In loneliness, she writes her story upon skin,
And despite her weaknesses, there existed a dim star,
Long beyond its peak, it caresses her in her sleep,
It kissed her under the dark sky, she slept,
The star whispered, I’m here,
And I’m here to be kept,
The star had found its purpose,
Because at night in bed, she holds it, and claims me from the universe.

Nights

It’s 1 o’clock in the morning,
With my body lay upon bed,
Staring onto the plain ceiling,
Thoughts occupied my head ,
But neither of them help,
Many nights have I postponed my sleep,
To be awaken in a pool of sweat,
I gasped for air and found myself alone,
Like many nights before I ended up writing ramblings,
My dreams laid upon paper, thoughts into ink,
Not awake nor am I dreaming,
The night turned the darkest as my heart slowly sinks,
Here comes the inevitable thought of my demise,
Uncertain and unknown,
Like threaded fabric, my fate had been sown,
Every night I simply wait,
And every night my death is postponed

Syllables

Her name is filled with syllables no longer pronounced within my existence,
Three too many, one too short, a two syllable word that even my battered, hardened heart couldn’t hold,
A complete word, spoken with one movement of the tongue, with its four letters overused, it turned stale and boring,
She couldn’t take it, what she was hearing, so she left,
And those syllables were no longer mentioned, ever.
Even so they still carry the deepest remembrance, and the loudest echo as it resonates in the depth of my now empty heart.

If I were to die

If today were to be the day I breathe my last,

Hold me tight, hold me close,
If the time were to come, it’d be too fast,
If I were to set upon the earth, devoured by dirt,
I am sorry; I did not mean to hurt,
If I were to die before you,
Don’t cry, let’s spend these last few days,
With everything we want to do,
Let our skin be shined by the sun’s rays,
Let the day be blessed with your embrace,
Attached with the widest smile on your face,
If I were to die before you,
Let me go, peacefully, in entirety,
I may had wished to be free, and fate had let me,
But though I despise the thought of you alone,
Without you, I am without a home,
If wishes were mine to begin with,
I’d wished for you to go first,
As I would not need to worry about death’s curse,
So I would not need to see you cry when I’m gone,
If I were to die before you,
In your embrace I went, in our room,
Then honestly, I had went too soon,
If I were to drown,
Death be slow, without a sound,
Beneath the ocean I could see the glimmer,
The amount of love we have around,
If I were to die before you,
Give everyone my love,
Tell them I’d watch from above,
But I fear there would be nothing but darkness.
And oblivion.


(if you liked it, feel free to check my other work. And if you haven’t heard, I’m compiling all of my work into a book (or an ebook). Wish me luck!) 


Note to a crush

itshurtingagain_by_stanlowx

By the time you’re reading this,
I’m probably already dead,
My body could be separated from my head,
Blood could be gushing out of my streams,
Broke all my bones, shattered all of my limbs,

Tears would fall from your eyes,
As I left without any words of goodbye,
But do even you care?
Or are you crying just because it burdens your eyes to watch and stare,

I love you from afar,
A bit close,
Yet it’s not enough, unreachable just like a star,
You kept on giving promises,
As if I have a chance,
To take your hand for a dance,
Everytime I would be so bold,
You would carelessly put it on hold,
My feelings are yours to toy with,
While your feelings for me is just a myth,

You don’t even know me,
Everytime you look you would scrutinize all the fact,
And talk about all the things I lack,
You spread your stories behind my back,
Without the truth it’s still inexact,
Be it good or bad,
I’m not glad, nor sad, neither am mad.
But now I’m dead are you satisfied?
Your wish is granted, right off the bat,

I hope you have a good day,
As I have nothing left to say,

 

Death

Death pathway

If I die in my sleep,
Please don’t cry or weep,
Hope you remember me,
And our little memory,
When I think about it, it isn’t that sad,
I didn’t hate one bit, of the life I had,

If I die, will I be forgotten,
Shall my memories be left rotten,
And my name no longer be mentioned,

Will you shed your tears for me,
Or forget that I was once a part of your reality,
Will I ever be remembered,
For the things I’ve done,
Not for the fact that I’m forever gone,
Be it good or bad,

Will you reminisce the time we ever had,
Would you tell me goodbye,
If you knew I would die,
Would you hold me tight,
And never lose me on sight

Will you start to hate,
And put the blame on fate,
All I wanted is for you to accept,
And move on as the damage is dealt,
There’s nothing to gain by dwelling in the past,
As they say, the die has been cast.