Fake love, is love still

“Why were you in love with me?” He wondered. His morning coffee sat quietly beside his toast, unstirred and unflavoured.

“I honestly don’t know.” She replied. “I feel that, maybe ‘we’ could’ve worked out.”

“But we both knew how it would end. We knew we weren’t made for it. Life is too easy for it to be just that.” He replied. “So, why did you stay?”

“Because helping you, in a way, helped me too.” She sat there, hand on her cup of coffee, sipping it, letting the slightly hot liquid warms up her cold body.

“Why? What good could you possibly gain by trying?” The crumbs of his toast fell as he munches them down one by one.

She put down her coffee and wondered off to the distance for a moment, before looking back into his eyes. The ones she spent countless hours staring into before. “Catharsis.”

“Maybe.” She continued. “Maybe, all I wanted was to love and be loved. And to say sweet encouragement and words of wisdom, hoping one day I too would be as strong and as brave as the person I led people to believe.”

“To you, I was just an emotional wreck that needed help is it?” He questioned.
“Yes. You could say.”
He took his time, thinking on what to say next. The morning clock ticked away in anticipation, without the need of any permission nor recognition, time moved on.

“It’s kind of funny when I think back about it.” He finally spoke up. “In a way, I too was using you.”

“I wanted to have someone to tell me that it was going to be okay, that life isn’t as hard as I make it out to be, and that maybe it will work out in the end.” He continued. “And you fit the description.”
“So, what were ‘we’?” She asked.
Sitting there within the roadside café amidst the morning crowd, the two stood among the others. A couple of misfits, or rather, a misfit couple.

“Therapy.” He answered.

“It’s not your fault I’m like this. And it’s not mine either that you’re the way you are. It’s just that sad people attract one another.” He explained.

She went on, ignoring her sandwich on the table. “But still, what are the chances of it working out? It’s a big world out there, I’m sure at least 1% of them would’ve worked out.”

“Sadly, my dear, we’re not that 1%. We’re the rest of the 99% losers. We’re the ones who think love alone could fix our problems but was too oblivious to the fact that ‘love’ too was a part of the problem.”

“We were too busy playing ‘love’ that we forgot to grow up.” He continued as he finished the rest of his tasteless coffee. “Two broken hearts won’t fix a single one.”

“So, why did we bother at all?” She asked, staring onto him, looking for an answer.

“Because fake love, is love still.”

 

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The last ride

It was 1 in the morning when I got the notification. Just a short drive. It’s been a quiet night; hopefully it will be more productive once I got one going. From the name, it was clearly a girl, going from a club. The thought of future cleaning I might have to do in the case of someone vomiting doesn’t really bother me much, especially when it’s the first customer of the day.

I drove pass by the front door, parked slightly behind a curve just outside of the club. It’s still pretty early, for the place. It’s only been 1:15 and there are still crowds lining up to enter and music blasting through the small door in front.

I saw her left the building along with her friends, happily waving each other goodbye for the night. She looks young, 20 or so, I don’t know and frankly, I care little about it, she’s clearly old enough to enter it in the first place. That’s good enough.

“Sorry, did you have to wait?” She asked. “No”

We left the area, driving slowly but steady out to the main road among the almost nonexistent traffic. She tapped me by the shoulder and asked me to stroll around the city for awhile. There’s nothing wrong with taking a ride, and I felt like maybe I need some midnight air too.

“Just felt like seeing the sceneries one last time” She whispered under the dark reflection of the driver’s seat mirror. So we drove around the city, aimlessly for quite some time. No small talks, no glances, just the sound of the engine revving accompanied by the late night talk shows and soothing music played along the breaks and interventions. We’re at the part of the town that was ‘asleep’ in. In the morning it would be bustling with businessmen, workers and traffic. A congested mess of people obliviously living their own world.

It was 1:40 when she spoke again. “Are you okay with just strolling around?”
Not sure how to respond to that. She’s paying, and it’s not like there’s any other visible customer around. It’s almost 2 in the dead of the night, in the middle of the city. I replied the best and shortest way I could. A simple ‘no’. It wasn’t the like of me to strike up a conversation but as a driver, I have come up with a habit to just blurt out with random, generic questions.

“Had fun just now” I glanced on the window back to see a reaction. She smiled, with a little dimple on one side. Just one. That cute little imperfection that would captures anyone ever had the pleasure of seeing it.

“We had a farewell party” “It was for me” she continued. “I have a flight tomorrow and I feel like saying a proper, happy goodbye”

“I see, for work? Or are you still studying?” I replied. “No” She stared long into the distance and suddenly, her eyes were glistening from the flashes of passing streetlights.

“I’m actually going for an operation” She said, taking her view away from the mirror. I could sense from her voice she’s holding herself from bursting into tears. I kept quiet for I had never been in such a situation.

“It’s for my heart. They said I have little chance of surviving but they didn’t give up. There’s a new technique somewhere in Europe” She held back a little and shut her eyes. She took a deep breath and smiles. “I told my friends I’m going for a trip”

“I just didn’t tell them that the destination is heaven” She laughed.

And in the darkest of nights, I find myself tearing up. The air turned colder and silence soon overtakes the room again. That night, I sent her home with a heavy heart and it kills me as the way she talks as if she had lost hope of it. I couldn’t, for the life of me to even drive properly. That was the first and last customer of the day. I went straight back home crying. And I never heard from her again.

My ebook! (or just book) 

Hey there! 

It’s been awhile since I posted anything due to hectic college schedule and just the fact that I don’t have a laptop to write on. Sad case, I know. 

But, here’s the good news, I’ve also started a new project of mine called ‘Perfect Strangers’. 

It’s a compilation of my short stories and poems ranging from one of my earliest to my most recent. 

It’s going to be an ebook of course, and I hope to have it ready soon. 😄

If you’re a fan of short stories or poetry, you can always read some of it here in my blog. I hope you enjoy them. 

Don’t forget to share and support! 🙂

Have a nice day there! 

The story behind the picture.

“We’ll soon arrive in station……”
“…. in 30 minutes..”
“ …. please take care of your baggage…” “…… and have a nice day..”

I wonder when they’ll fix those blurry speakers.

It has been hours since I sat on this seemingly endless journey. I wondered where will find myself. But soon I realized, why should I? I took this train because of the realization that it would take me toward a specific location. It was long before I noticed how the short hand had already landed on 11 pm. The blankets of which I had laid upon me were rendered useless as I clutches on more clothes to keep myself warm against the cold air.

I quickly changed my clothes, putting another layer of t-shirt before covering it with my sweater. Changing clothes was never the problem with night trains considering that barely half of the seats were occupied and most of them were asleep. The cabin’s lights were off but the luminescences of the outside were enough to give me some sort of visibility. I’d always take the mirror’s seat every time I took the train. The most plausible explanation for it is the scenery but it was overruled due to the fact that I always travel at night. Maybe that’s why, because of the night.

Going at 124 kilometres an hour, the only light source I have was the dashes of light as the train passes by. Occasionally. Sometimes there would only be darkness. A perfect reflection of what my heart feels like.

“One hour left…”
Before my big day. Supposedly. And yet, it’s also the reason why I left. A little earlier, I would have been searched, a little of longer, I would have gone insane. The feeling that my heart can no longer hold, screamed out, distorting my perception of reality. Never had I thought that such emotion could cause pain of such magnitude.

I’d slide my phone, just to see if there’s any notification worth seeing. As much as I want to let go, something inside of me kept on wishing. Maybe, just maybe it’ll change. The brightness of the screen blinded my eyes, flashing the situation with white light and even then, I was still alone. Whether it was bright as day, or dark as night, I was always alone. Thousands of miles away from home, on a foreign land, hoping to find an escape. But it haunted my for every corner I turned into. And now I found myself on the road again. Hoping to find serenity in a foreign land.

“..Next station….”
“…. Please be careful when the …”
“…. opens ….”

“I wonder when they’ll fix those blurry speakers.”
A stranger’s voice pierced the silence. I turned around to see a rather blurry silhouette standing in front of me.

“Hey, could I sit next to you till the next station?”

I nodded. It was a girl. From a single glance, she seemed like 20 or older with her long, striking, black, hair as dark the night was dangling to her back. She sat next to me and covered herself in a blanket in such ways that it resembles me earlier. She thanked me for the seat and explained the purpose of her action to such a stranger. It seems that sitting beside me puts her in a more secure situation as she put it ‘it’s easier to sit beside a stranger you’re brave against’ than to sit alone.

“Plus, you seemed like a nice guy”

The silence of night lulled the other passengers into a deep sleep. But I soon myself awakened by the loneliness. Both of us were. She would ask a question, trying to convey a conversation but I was too lazy to answer them longer than a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. It doesn’t take much for her to stop asking, and once again, surrounding the cabin with silence. Every now and then I would glance over, catching a look of what she’s up to. As the train passes by an empty station, all I could saw was nothing but the glimmer in her eyes as it reflects the lights outside.

“Lights..” She whispered.

“…the visible reminder of invisible lights..”
I continued.

“It’s beautiful”

“What is?”

“The scenery..”

“There’s nothing to see at night”
I replied as I yawn over the view.

“There’s more to just ‘the view’”

Maybe she’s right. Maybe that’s why I always took the night train. Because there’s more to it than just the view. Sometimes, the reason we chose to avoid the light is not because we hate it, we just misses the night. It wasn’t long before we continuously talk over random subjects. There’s 30 minutes left before my final stop, our final stop. And yet, it felt like the longest 30 minutes of my life. She was, in a way, the opposite of me. She travels from one place to another to discover new things and keep those moments eternally in the form of a photograph. She would bring numerous empty albums to be filled by the end of her journey. In each picture lies a story worth a thousand letters. A memento of the past to her future self. She said it served ‘as a reminder of who I was, to who I will be’.

“Who are you visiting?” I asked. The question has been hanging around my mind. I was either curious, or just wanted the conversation to continue.

She took awhile to answer.

“My boyfriend…”
“… What about you?..”

“Umm.. My girlfriend”
I hesitated.

“Let’s hope they’re not jealous then.”
“..haha..”
She replied as she laughed slowly. The talk soon turned into silence. And I’ve been quiet for too long to suddenly start a conversation. My mind once again asked me to converse in words, but all I could let out was the cold breath as it vaporizes on the window. The scenery soon turns brighter, as we slowly reach our final stop, the central.

And lights were all it was. The station was empty of passengers except of the ones on board. All I could hear was the sound of vending machines serving nonexistent customer, looping the same message over and over again. The only living flesh I could see was the workers of the public transportation service. Even they had announced that it’ll be their last trip.
The crowd soon dispersed, going to their own direction. It didn’t take long before all that was left was her and me.

“Send my regards to your girlfriend…”
She smiled.

“Tell your guy I said ‘hi’”
I replied. We both walk equally the same distance towards the gate. As much I wanted to ask, I couldn’t.

“This is goodbye then….”
“… My friend is here”
She said as she walked forward, leaving me behind.

“..Bye.”
I replied. We both went our own ways. Dispersing the final group of individuals. Because that is what we were from the beginning, a group of individuals.

“… Hey…”
The voice shouted. It was her again. She grabbed her camera and snaps a picture of me. When the film came out, she quickly handed it over to me. And as she left and turns for one last time.

“Hey, about the boyfriend….”
“.. I lied”
“I’ve been through a bad breakup.. and..”
“…and what I wanted to say is thank you..”
“ .. for the company”
“ hahaha”
She smiled. and I ,too, found myself smiling amidst the empty building.

“Me too”
I replied.

“Hope to see you again in another train”
She smiled as she waved me goodbye. She soon entered her friend’s car and left.

And that was the end of it. She will always be ‘that girl embedded by the night’, and I will always be ‘the missing picture in her album’.

Knocking on heaven’s door. (A short story)

cute_grim_reaper_polymer_clay_pendant_pendants_6

 

“Hello?”

“Anyone?”

The sound of footsteps, his footsteps were the only sound accompanying. The pace started to become faster and faster.

“Hello?”

His breath started to become more and more rapid. Up to a point where he has to stop and started panting.

“Help…”

The place was dark as the night. No. It’s even darker. There’s nothing to be seen at all except a small light on top of him that has been shining him all the time. The only thing he could ever felt was the cold ground he’s standing on. The only scent he could smell was the scent of a flower. The only way he could be going is nowhere. There’s nothing on the floor, no rock, no cement, no tiles, no asphalt. The ground was flat as it could get. The road was never-ending.

“It’s no use…”

The boy sighed as he sat down on the floor. With nothing but disappointment, he look around him for any signs of human. After a few glances, he gave up.

“What is this place..”
“How did I even get here?”

The boy put his head around his arms as he lay back on the ground facing the sky, or whatever is up there.

“That light..”
“..Haven’t changed at all”

He noticed that the ‘light’ haven’t moved, changed or disappear since he got in that place.

“Hey you!”
“The light… can you speak?”

Silence was the only thing in the air. Nothing could be heard at all.

“I guess not…”
“…I think I’m going crazy..”

The boy glares upon the ‘light’ in hoping something that something would happen. It is either that or he’s just having a staring competition.

“You know…”
“… This day was my birthday..”
“…..I was on my way to my house and then there’s..”
“..there’s..”
“umm..”

The boy stopped talking and his head began to hurt. It seems he’s unable to remember anything after it. He started to struggle in pain, screaming, shouting. Images flashes in his head, one after another.

After a minute of nothing but pain, he stopped and passed out in his own arms.

“hey…”
“wake up..”
“..wake uppp..”

A voice was heard. Even though the boy is still unconscious, but somehow he could listen. The voice a girl, a young girl. He opens his eyes slowly to see a young girl in front of him, smiling.

“..Good morning!”
The girl shouted. The boy, on the other hand is speechless. Stuttering, trying to find the correct sentence to say.

“umm.. who are you?”
The boy asked.

“Me? .. I’m the moon”
She replied.

“moon?”
“What moon?”
Confusion was clearly on his face as he says those words. The girl just smiled. Then, she stood up and does one of those transformation moves usually does by the superhero in television. Hands down it was the weirdest thing the boy have ever seen. The girl ended the so-called dance by putting two of her fingers between her eyes before swinging it upwards toward the ‘sky’.

“I’m the spirit of the moon~”

“That’s a moon!!??”
The boy was shocked to know that the circular thing that has been shining his surrounding was a moon.

The girl sat down again and started explaining. For the boy, it was the worst subject ever to learn and yet he still keep his focus. Probably just to please the girl’s heart.
After a brief explanation of what a ‘moon’ is, the girl ask for a confirmation.

“Get it?”

“Yeeeees, teeaaacher”
The boy answered.

After a small laugh between those two, they started talking, and talking. Time pass on quickly without notice. The girl did all the questioning, and the boy do the answering. It seems like an endless conversation.

“Umm.. a question”
“What is this place?”

The girl smile disappeared. She scratched her head, and look around. She stood up and started jumping with her hand over her eyes, trying to see the distance. Other than that, she also tried to feel the wind by wetting her fingers and point it upward.
After a few minutes, she sat down again and sighed.

“I have no idea”

“That’s not good.”
The boy sighed.

“Why?..”
The girl asked.

“I need to get out of here”
He answered.

“Do you..”
“..Do you hate me?”
The girl stuttered.

“Why would you say that?”
The boy wonders in confusion.

“Then why do you want to leave me?!”
The girl shouted.

“Calm down. I don’t want to leave you, you’re a great friend….”
“… you’re my only friend..”
The boy’s voice become low.

“To be honest, I don’t have any friends or family. I was all alone from the beginning..”
“The only place I could ever call home was the orphanage. The only family I have is the care-takers…..”

“..”
The girl didn’t say anything. It seems the conversation has ended. No one talked after that. They just lay back on the cold floor watching the ‘moon’ shines. Time move on as usual but this time it’s slower. Both of them started fall asleep because there’s nothing more to say, nothing more to keep them awake.

After a few hours of sleep, the boy woke up. He stretches his arm and yawn as big as he could yawn.

As he stands up, something caught his attention. A big thing somehow appeared from nowhere. Trying to figure what happen he turns around and saw the girl knitting something.

“Umm.. girl..”
“..Do you know what that is?”
The boy asked as he point the big thing.

“What thing?”
“I don’t see a thing.”
“Why would there be a thing here”
“Did you know that the moon is actually a star?”
The girl startled.

“I mean that big thing there.”
The boy turns the girl’s head toward the ‘thing’.

“umm. I don’t… know?”
She answered.

“I’ll go check it out”
The boy started walking toward the ‘thing’. He suddenly felt a heavy feeling. It’s not his feeling, the girl is hanging on to his leg.

“Please don’t go there.”
“See? There’s nothing there”
The girl tried turning the boy around and change his focus to something else.

“I can’t believe you didn’t see this thing. I mean.. It’s huge.”
As the boy get closer to the ‘thing’ he notices something.

“Hmm.. there’s a blanket covering it.”

“Damn”
“He saw through the disguise”
“I know I should have use the wall trick”
The girl whispered.

The boy grab the end of the blanket, and pull it with all his might. It shocked the boy when he knows that the ‘thing’ was actually a door. To where is still unknown but it is clear that the thing is a door.

“Hey, would you look at that!”
“It’s a door”
“Let’s talk about how cool doors are”

The girl suddenly appeared from behind the boy and tries to talk him into doing something else. It seems the girl is hiding something.

“I feel…”
“somehow..”
“I need to get through this door”
The boy started sweating. It’s weird because he has never sweat at all during his time in that place. Even when he was running amok.

“Don’t!!”
“There’s… there’s nothing behind that door”
“Why would there be a something behind a door like that”
“The thing is don’t open it. Don’t … don’t walk through it!”
The girl started to stuttered again.

The boy started to notice the girl’s suspicious behaviour. He pulled the girl away from the door and reached for the doorknob.

“Here goes nothing”
As he opens the door. He saw nothing but a bright light but he keep on moving. All of a sudden, he found himself in a hospital. Inside a ward. He look around and notices a kid in one of the bed, alone. He slowly creep closer and take a good look. Just to know that it was him. He was the one who’s laying on the bed, unconscious and surrounded with appliances. He rubbed his eyes for he can’t believe what he have seen.

He tried touching ‘himself’ to know if it’s was real but it was futile. The girl grab his arm and pulled him back, back to the door. The boy’s face was white as if he have encountered a ghost. He can’t believe what he saw. Was it real? or an illusion?

“Who am i?”
He said as he stares on his two hands.

“You’re…”
“A ghost…”
The girl muttered.

“Am.. I dead?”
The boy replied slowly. He started breathing faster, and faster.

“No..”
“Not yet…”
The girl replied. She sat down, and started explaining. The boy listens carefully, giving all of his focus.

“You were hit… by an oncoming truck… on your way to the… orphanage..”
“..They say you wouldn’t make it.. but somehow you’re still alive when you arrived at the hospital..”
“…Even though you’re alive, you’re stuck in a deep coma”

The girl explained. The boy was still speechless. The girl continued on how he got here. It seems the boy’s spirit is stuck in a place called the “Place of Lost Souls”, a gap between heaven and earth. A place where people who are supposed to be dead, but aren’t stays until they finally make a decision. A decision to live or to move on.

The souls who are lost, are given a door. A door to back to their original places, or known as earth. If they touch their body, they’ll take over it and regain health slowly and after a few days, they will be as healthy as they were before.

Of course, only a few who have ever take that chance. Others just gave up. Their life was already falling, dying.

“You mean… If I touch my body..”
“I can be alive again?”
The boy asked as he stood up and walked toward the door.

“ummm.. yes”
The girl muttered quietly. She held her arms and started rubbing her eyes.

“I’m going then”
The boy spirit rises and put his hand on the doorknob again. As he turns the doorknob, he couldn’t shake the feeling of something heavy. He turned around and saw the girl sobbing, holding in her tears, her feelings. He tried to comfort the girl with smooth word and promises.

“I’ll be back.. I promise..”

“No you’re not… you’re …going to live your life …with someone else ..and ..and…forgot all about me”
The girl held in her tears, and keep on rubbing her eyes.

“I’ll always remember you…”
The boy replied in order to please the girl’s heart.

“Then stay…”
“I’ll …I’ll…put some furniture and a tv or some sort around here.”
“..or.. or an arcade..”
“….a fountain…”
“..anything…”
“..just don’t leave…”
The girl cried her heart out. Letting everything out. The boy put his arms around the girl and whispered into her ears.

“I’ll be back… I promise…”
He turned back and walk away. Turning the doorknob without hesitation. As he turned around, the only thing he could see was the door closing and the vision of a girl crying. The door closes and the vision vanished.

Then what happened? The boy lives his life, growing up even though in a harsh situation. He got in a university and graduated on the top of his class. He even open his own business. Let’s just say that the boy’s life was getting better by the minute. He was able to own a company worth millions and have a family that loves him as any normal family would. But, he never marries. His good looks, money and fame sure brings a lot of women in his doorstep but he reject all of them. His family? All of it are his old friends from the orphanage. His life? Let’s just say, he’s happy.

The girl? She still waiting, for the day the boy would come back. She wait and wait, and wait. Her eyes no longer cries and her heart is no longer broken. But one thing was clear, she still haven’t given up.

After 60 years of waiting. The girl hears a sound, a cracking sound. She started to run around, searching the source. Didn’t took her long to notice that it was the sound of an old door opening. And behind that door was a man, a man who once step foot at that place long time ago.

“You came back..”
“…. and you look a bit old..”
Said the girl.

“Sorry for making you wait…”
“….I’m back….”
The boy replied. He was much older, or old. He’s now around 65 years old, with a long beard and walking around with a stick. But, in the girl’s eyes was a gentleman, a man worth to be wait for.

“Well… would you look at that..”
“You’ve grown too and this place is different”
The boy said.

The girl is no longer a crybaby she used to be. She’s now much older and much more prettier. The place that used to be dark, creepy, cold is now a place where there’s mountain, forest, fountains, hd tv, a long couch and in the middle of it is a house, a manor to be exact.

“Come here!”
The girl pulled the boy’s arm and runs toward the manor.

“Girl, I’m not strong as I used to be..”
The boy replied. He tried to stop her but he was no match for the girl’s strength. His walking stick falls to the floor and now he has to keep up. Even though it was exhausting, but somehow, every step he runs with the girl, his energy is coming, his beard started to fall, his hair started to become black once again, his broken back which look like the hunchback of notre dame is now straightening on its own. It seems he has become much younger.

As they arrived in front of the manor, the first thing that caught the boy’s attention is an altar, and a bunch of people he never knew, with the grim reaper holding a book.

“Is everyone here?”
The so-called grim reaper asked. The grim reaper has one of those cool deep voice you get from the main character in a movie.

“Yes..”
The girl replied.

“Wait….”
“…The grim reaper is our priest?”
The boy asked out of confusion.

“Why? It’s his day off”
“Anyway, let’s start the ceremony”
The girl exclaimed.

“Alright then..”
“Do you, boy, take this girl as your lawfully..
“*cough*cough* if we even have any law *Cough*”
“…wedded wife?”
Said the grim reaper.

“I do..”
The boy replied.

The grim reaper asked the same thing toward the girl. The answer was yes. And so the ceremony continues.

“I….ummm.. I forgot my name again…”
“…I, boy , take you, girl, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; and I promise to be faithful to you until….”
“…Ummm.. until…”

The boy stopped in his track and think deeply.

“Until what?”

The girl asked.

“…Until anything parts us..”
“*cough*cough* which I doubt it *cough*

The boy replied and smile toward the girl.

“Well then, you may kiss the bride”
Said the grim reaper as he cuts the ribbon that has been hanging over his head with his grim reaping equipment.

The boy slowly leaned toward the girl and gave her his very first kiss. And like any other stories, they live happily ever after.